It’s perfectly normal to feel angry sometimes. The modern world is full of obstacles and pitfalls sure to test even the most patient.

Whether you’ve been wronged, or you only feel like you have been, anger is a natural response. Denying yourself this emotion can be bad for your mental health and affect your relationships.

Suppressed anger can turn to resentment; while letting out your anger can be its own survival mechanism.

Arguments can be useful – maybe even essential – for healthy relationships. By allowing both parties to express their feelings and views, an argument can lead to greater understanding and compromise.

An argument doesn’t have to mean a breakdown in a relationship – it can be the start of a period of repair.

That’s not to say that getting angry is always the best solution. Or that you shouldn’t learn ways to keep your anger under control.

Here are just five important tips to consider.

1. Think before you speak

When emotions are high, it can be easy to say something you later regret. Considered arguments, during which you both explain your side of a given issue, can be hugely rewarding. Too much anger, though, could cloud your judgment and mean you say something rash.

Anger is a valid emotion but be sure to stay in control. Take a moment to think carefully about what it is you want to say. Importantly, allow the other person to do likewise so that a conflict doesn’t descend into a shouting match. This will only lead to both parties’ points being lost.

When you do make your point, do so calmly and in a non-confrontational way.

Stick to first-person statements that explain how you feel and how the situation affects you. This helps to avoid criticism of the other person, which can lead to increased tension.

2. Call a timeout and get some exercise

Arguments can quickly become cyclical, so if you feel like no progress is being made, call a timeout. Leaving the room mid-argument can be inciting so, again, you’ll need to be calm and explain your position clearly.

Then, go for a walk or a run to clear your head. Exercise releases endorphins and time spent outside in nature can help you to de-stress.

You might also find that these techniques help you to avoid an argument in the first place, so consider other forms of relaxation like mindfulness and meditation (more on which later).

3. Use your timeout constructively to consider possible solutions

As with any kind of conflict, identifying problems will only get you so far. Use your timeout to calm down and think rationally about the issue you’re facing.

Think about exactly what it is that makes you angry and how that might be addressed.

Focus on the things that you can control or help to influence, rather than those you cannot. Anger in itself won’t help to resolve the issue so take the time to look for possible solutions and think about how you will present these.

Be willing to compromise on these solutions too, by thinking about the issue from all sides.

4. Be prepared to forgive and forget

As we have already mentioned, anger that isn’t addressed can fester, with ramifications for your mental health and relationships.

That means that not only might you need to forgive the person you’re arguing with, but you’ll also need to mean it. Only then can you both move on.

This might not be easy, but it is vital.

5. Use mindfulness to relax and stay calm

Mindfulness techniques like meditation can help you improve your mental health by reducing stress, helping you to focus more, and allowing you to get a better night’s sleep.

You’ll still encounter things that annoy or even anger you in your daily life, but you might be better equipped to deal with them.

As we have seen, anger isn’t an emotion that you should hide from or shut the door on. Instead, you need to acknowledge it and then deal with it in the most constructive way you can.

Being relaxed and calm is a great place to start. You can use simple mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or consider downloading a mindfulness app like Headspace or Calm. Also think about whether your evening routines could be improved to help you get more, and better quality, sleep.

Get in touch

We might not be able to help you once the argument starts, but if you ever feel stressed or worried about your financial situation we are on hand, so be sure to get in touch. Email info@thepensionplanner.co.uk or call 0800 0787 182.